'Captain Crunch.'MACA' Make America Crunchy Again'" According to *Crunch Facts, a news outlet dedicated to the mascot, Horatio Crunch has a perfect 200 IQ !! Looks as if the Captain has an IQ (about 120 points higher than the current soggy ass Commander in Chief.) A dedicated team is currently vetting and evaluating the potential of a Capt. Crunch Mr. 'T' ticket. Possible campaign slogan " 'MACA' Make America Crunchy Again'" and " Pity the Fools who vot MAGA." Mr.' T was recently interviewed by Sugar Bear( well known and loved Mascot of Sugar Crunch cereal,,Mr. 'T' is quoted as saying, I pity the soggy ass fool who don't vote. I pity the fool more, who votes MAGA, Fool!." This from Official Capt.Crunch news site 'Crunch Facts', The Wall Street Journal and Washington Times noted that the three stripes on the mascot's uniform indicate a rank of Commander rather than the four that denote the rank of Captain.The Wall Street Journal reported that the U.S. Navy had no record of Crunch and that NCIS was investigating him for impersonating a naval officer. ( No charges were ever brought.) Capt. Crunch never claimed to be an Official Officer in the U.S. Naval Forces **** Biography and background: Horatio Magellan Crunch, captains a ship called the Guppy, and was born on Crunch Island, a magical island off the coast of Ohio and in the Sea of Milk with talking trees, crazy creatures and a mountain (Mt. Crunchmore) made out of Cap'n Crunch cereal." The article refers to the Captain's bicorne as a "Napoleon-style" hat, and claims that this has led to speculation that he may be French.( This claim has since been debunked as soggy news) According to *Crunch Facts, a news outlet dedicated to the mascot, Horatio Crunch has a perfect 200 IQ !! (Looks as if the Captain has an IQ (about 120 points higher than the current soggy ass Commander in Chief.) As to his religious leanings the Capt. is Holistic in his approach to personal belief systems. He is believed to lean toward the Quaker Oats faith. My dedicated staff is currently vetting and evaluating the potential of a Capt. Crunch Mr. 'T' ticket. Possible campaign slogan " 'MACA' Make America Crunchy Again'" and " Pity the soggy ass Fools who vote for MAGA." Mr. 'T' was recently interviewed by Sugar Bear, beloved Mascot of Sugar Crunch cereal.Mr. 'T' is quoted as saying I pity the soggy ass fool who don't vote. I pity the fools more who votes MAGA." In a developing story, Otto ,former School Bus Driver in Springfield (well known hometown of the Simpsons) is being considered for Secretary of Transportation. He made a brief statement," Since I got out of rehab ,my life now has direction. I really want to give something back. Especially to the 'little dude."Jesse Ventura is a serious candidate for Secretary of Defense.More on that later. Also a rumor, Chef Boyardee is being considered as a potential replacement for the current White House Chef. 'Chef Jacques',suffering from depression,reduced to making tater tots and Velveeta Cheese nachos for the current soggy ass POTUS.
